Monday, September 5, 2011

Farmer Fred and the Lost Candy Bar

I understand that most people enjoy other people; be it through conversation or just observing them and their natural habits and whatnot.  I get that.  Hell, I even enjoy talking to people from time to time; making casual conversation and just shooting the shit.  But there is a time and a place for that, and the time and place is not while standing in line at the Grocery Store, while there are 5 registers humming and the lines are 5 deep. 

You just don't do it.  Let me elaborate further.

Like most people in this country,  I have to visit the Grocery Store at least once a week; sometimes twice a week.  I have a place that I go to called Grocery Outlet, but that's not too important.  Even though they have great deals, it's not too relevant to this story.  It's just that because of it's great deals, it tends to attract a lot of people.  So, of course it was busy on this particular day.  Busier than usual.

I had already spent almost a half hour pushing my rickety-rackety shopping cart throughout the store, and after maneuvering my way through a parade of 'bargain hunters', I was tired and ready to bring it in.  It was time to go home.  My cart was on it's last leg and I had found...pretty much everything I wanted.  So, like many of the others, I found a line and got in it.


The line I chose, had an older-looking fella in it, with a shopping cart full of small to medium-sized items; just a pile of this and that, etc.  And it was taking the cashier longer than normal to process this transaction.  But that wasn't the thing that started my blood boiling...

Rather than empty his cart out onto the conveyor belt ( there was plenty of room ), this dude spent the 'idle' time trying to make unnecessary conversation with a girl 30+ years his younger.  Holding up the process and thus, holding me up from being able to unload my shopping cart.  Just a real dipstick, if you want the truth.  But that's not the end of it...

As the conveyor belt begins to get emptied by the cashier, who is also running out of space to put the 'already bagged' items ( an empty shopping cart would have been ideal for this ), this idiot decides to search through the remaining 'stuff' for a candy bar that he suddenly starts craving for.  Yeah, that's right.  A candy bar.  Took like 3 minutes searching for this candy bar, and in the meantime...this poor girl is trying to squeeze 'bagged items' in wherever she can find space, which was very little.

No empty shopping cart anytime soon.

She's obviously getting a little flustered, yet still manages to maintain that mask of 'customer service', all while this numbskull searches for his 'candy bar'.  What he was talking to her about was really pointless too, and just held up the entire included.  Actually, by this time, I was the remaining person in line--just behind him.  Everybody else got wise and jumped ship.

I stuck it out.  My mistake.

He finally managed to find his 'candy bar' and spent at least a minute or so opening it up, while 'chatting' with his new friend, who I'm sure wanted nothing more than to ring his ass up and send him on his way.  But, of course she has to be polite.  I get that.  Still, the conveyor belt was 3/4 empty and he was in no hurry to fill that space.

I thought I was going to end up in jail that day; arrested for assault or disturbing the peace.  Either way, I thought I was going to lose it.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity of me rolling my eyes and shooting daggers through him, the moron managed to empty his cart.  Of course, I had to put the plastic divider stick behind his mess and move his cart out of the way, but was a sacrifice I was willing to make.  

I wonder if somebody else has to tie his shoes for him?  Just saying.

To top it all off, Farmer Fred decides to split the bill between two of his credit cards.  ( You can't make this stuff up. )  And to make matters more interesting... His wife ( from a different line ), discreetly pushes her cart passed him, trying to distance herself from this buffoon.  Nice try lady, but you still have to go home with this chowder head!

The point of the story is this...  If you feel like making conversation with strange people, for the sake of feeding your need to socialize, then do it when you aren't standing in line at the Grocery Store.  Because somebody like me, just might take that plastic divider thingie and plant it somewhere you might not want it.

There is a time and a place for everything.  Choose wisely.

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